take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
