At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
