I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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