Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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