So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
