She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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