you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
