Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I look better un-naked...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
