While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
