Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
