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• (614): View more from Ohio

  if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.

  Fav 10 4783 1289

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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• (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.

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• (436): View more from

  He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Anyways enough about genital fatigue...

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?

  Fav 2 8 44

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!

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