i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
