I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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