Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
