Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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