Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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