One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
