We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how does that bad decision feel?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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