Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
