I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
