a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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