You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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