if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
