i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
