woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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