So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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