1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
