i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
