If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
