I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
