Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
