Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
