remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
