I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
