so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
