Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
