I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
