How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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