His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
