You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
