I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
