nut hugger
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
