Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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