Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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