this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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