my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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