Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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