If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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