Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
