The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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