dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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