this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
